The biggest and most important thing I am thankful for is God's everlasting love. It is so hard to comprehend how He can love and show mercy and forgiveness to somebody who has lived the life I have had. It would be easy to accuse God of "punishing" Kelsea and I with the uncertainty that we are having with her pregnancy right now. However, we know that is not what our God does. We know He doesn't punish us because we have sinned. We do know that God is jealous for our love and our attention. I continue to see God work in not only our lives, but the lives of people around us and around the country. God is constantly telling us not to worry because He has our back!
I have wanted nothing more the past five and a half months (since we found out Kelsea was pregnant again....which I'm still not happy I didn't get breakfast that morning! Ask her about my great sadness over this story....) than for Kelsea to experience "normal" things many women get to experience during her pregnancy. Normal activities, actions, feelings, concerns, etc.. Well, for the most part, that hasn't happened. God realized she was stornger than most women and could handle bringing His special child into this world. From our concerns over the first few months because of her first miscarriage to our current concerns with Hayden's Omphalocele, I was worried she was going to miss out on things. What, I didn't know. I know we are to give our worries to God. Philippians 4:6-7 states
There were some things in particular that had been weighing on my mind. Things I shouldn't have been because there was nothing I could do about it. After I finally turned to God and asked Him for the things I needed, the things I wanted for Kelsea, He showed me once again just how powerful He is. God answered my prayers and reminded me He is in control.
I had mentioned in an earlier post about how I hate making people sad. I hate seeing the hurt and sadness in their eyes when I tell them something they don't want to hear. Whether it is something that impacts others or something that impacts us, I DON'T LIKE IT! However, I am here to say, sometimes the things we are afraid to say or ask are the things that need to be said or asked the most. Please don't be afraid to ask us questions about what we are going through, what we are feeling, or thinking. Don't be afraid to ask us what we are scared for and what we are excited for. I know it is like waiting in line at a funeral or visitation. You're not sure what to say because you know no matter what you say, it won't change things. You're afraid that what you say or do might not be appreciated or even come out right. I'm here to say, it's ok....say it anyways. Ask it anyways. Don't be afraid you are going to upset us (which we might...sometimes it is hard to hold back the tears) because most times it is that comforting word, phone call, note that is left that helps you get through. Never let your fear get in the way of your intentions.
Kelsea and I have been trying to balance doing the "normal" things expectant parents do with the "not so normal" things parents with complications in their pregnancy do! First off, I think I have been the one that has been "nesting" lately! The upstairs is clean, the rooms have been rearranged, and the basement is all set up (minus wall decorations), so we decided that it was time to minimize car hair. I have never been a fan of cats, although they were a package deal and I have grown to accept them as part of our family. However, I still get frustrated at the amount of cat hair in our house and on our coats! We decided it was time to shave the cats again and keep the hair to a minimum. I'm not sure what is going throught the cats' mind right now, but I have a few good ideas! It sure is a good thing Tucker doesn't shed! Which by the way, I know it is probably one of those things that there is zero need to worry about, but I think constantly about how I am going to miss him and have already come up with some ways to sneak him down to St. Louis every now and then so he can give Kelsea some love when she is down there. I know when Hayden gets here that Tucker will take a backseat and I won't worry about him as much, however, right now, I do...and I know I will miss him. I do feel loved though because once again, God has been working...even in the pet department and let me know He will take care of Tucker, just as He will take care of our little family!
Kelsea and I have had some "fun" the past few days. Trying to accomplish one of the "normal" activities in between nights of coming up with questions for the cardiologist, neonatologist, and pediatric surgeon, we decided we better start looking at items that we "think" we will need for Hayden. Still not exactly sure what his life will be like after he is born, we decided to go ahead and register at Baby's R Us and Wal-mart and try to come up with things we think he will need. With the help from our new friend in Texas, Kelly Davis, we feel we have a pretty good idea. However, we hope to learn more from our marathon appointments this Thursday when we go back to Barnes and Childrens in St. Louis. We have struggled a little bit because this is obviously going to be our first child and we're just not exactly sure since we have never done this before! We don't know if we are picking things out that are too expensive, or not the right size, or if it stuff we don't need or if there is stuff we need, but we have no clue we need! It has been fun and we have started a big list, many duplicates as we keep saying we need to go back and cross-reference (mainly cross off) things we have on both websites! It is so hard picking stuff out for Hayden when we can't see the items in front of us. Of course, Wal-Mart has limited items in stock, so that isn't a ton of help! We are actually going to stop at a Baby's R Us in St. Louis when we are down there in a few days and hopefully will be able to decide on what we want/need and what we don't need/want!
So here is my Facebook "Day 5" post: I am thankful for:
- the love of God
- my loving wife
- one of the strongest and most supportive families a person could ever ask for
- the endless cards, words of encouragement, and gifts of love we receive every day in the mail and in person....we have quickly gotten behind recording all of the information that we promised we would when this started. However, my plan is to start catching up tomorrow night.
- Our new fireplace in our finished basement...this thing will get a lot of use over the next few months!