Perfection

Every time I sit down in front of the computer to create a new entry in my blog, I always sit for clsoe to ten minutes while my mind jumps all over the place. I never know just how to start. I have never been an effective writer. Only a few short years ago, I still e-mailed papers for my master's class to my parents so they could critique and correct my ramblings. I have never been able to fully organize my thoughts. Sometimes I feel this is true in my life. I want things to be perfect and I try so hard to reach perfection, but it seems as though I can never attain it. It usually just ends up being "good enough for who it's for!" It reminds me of a book I read, maybe in 4th grade. It was titled something like How to be a Perfect Person in 10 Days (or something like that). The one thing I remember was the last step/day. The boy had to sit there and do nothing. Not think about anything, not say anything. Nothing! The boy ended up realizing that no matter what he did, he wasn't going to be perfect. Sometimes I struggle with that.

This past week has tested my faith and reliance upon God. As usual, I have failed. I have tried to handle things on my own and not give my worries to God. When that happens, we fail. We fail miserably. For the first time in seven weeks, I have felt a strain between my better half and myself. We have kind of been at each other over small, insignificant things. Things that when I look back and compare it to what God's grand plan might be, they pale in comparison. Does it really matter what dresser we put in our bedroom (changing bedroom layout upstairs), or if we get a pack-n-play that has an attachment to change a baby's diaper on it, or even if my wife puts the creamer back in the fridge before I am finished drinking my coffee on Saturday mornings (yes....this was really something that upset me!)? No, these things don't matter, however, when we don't put our worries in God's hands and try to go through this life on our own, this is what happens to us. If God is not at the center of your life, as human beings, our selfishness gets in the way of wanting to serve others.

For the first time in six weeks (it is hard to believe that is has been six weeks since we had that infamous ultrasound) I questioned the path God has set before us. Now that the basement is finished, besides moving a few things back upstairs and vice versa, we have cleaned one room upstairs and are preparing to move bedrooms around so we can start to get the nursery ready. We have been looking online and trying to figure out what we will need, and what we won't need. I never thought that would lead to disagreements and a trying weekend like we had. I guess that is what you get when you have two people as stubborn and bull-headed as Kelsea and myself! However, we figured we better start picking stuff out because heer due date is only 14 weeks and 5 days away! Plus, her c-section will be sooner than that, so I am starting to get a little anxious! Anyways, after meeting with Dr. Kaguma last Thursday and hearing Hayden's heartbeat (it has slowed down to about 142 bpm), I came home and started lookin online for things we might need. One thing I found was regarding travel in a car. Some people had talked online about not being able to use a regular car seat, but having to use a "bed" instead. I DID NOT like that idea and for the first time, became upset because that was not what I wanted. I got frustrated and sad, but after about 10 minutes, I finally turned back to God and asked Him for strength to continue to serve Him and His plan he has for us.

Yesterday helped though. After running the sound board at church yesterday morning, Kelsea and I returned last night to serve alongside many wonderful people at the Columbus Road Trunk-or-Treat. It was a fantastic evening and I was continuously amazed at the number of people that were in and around our church last night: members and the public.

We have been going a million miles an hour this past week and although it wears me down, I thank God every night because I know He is preparing us for our future. I feel as every day passes, I am running out of time to finish the house and pick things out for the nursery. I just keep telling myself, if I can make it to tomorrow, then I will have some more time to accomplish x, y, & z. Welcome to parenthood, right???

I have thought a lot lately about the past. I have looked at our situation and what other people are doing for us. The time they have taken out of their busy lives so they could put as at the front for awhile. I think back to moments in my life, especially the past 6-7 years and I think about times when I could've taken time out of my busy schedule to show someone some encouragement and let them know somebody out there was thinking about them. I feel like I let a lot of these opportunities get away because I was a selfish person who didn't have God in my life. Today, and every single day, Kelsea and I sit down and read through the cards in the mail that still continue to flood our mailbox. We have recieve mail from 21 different states in the past six weeks and every single person who has taken the time to write us is greatly appreciated. It is comforting to know just how many people out there are sending love and prayers our way. It is so reaffirming that God is working in many places, all of the time, whether we can see him or not. Even though I wasn't the perfect friend, neighbor, or loved one when others needed my support, it is so truly amzing to see that God is such a gracious and merciful God.



Defiitely not the "perfect" dog!