Two nights ago, I found one that really drew me in. A lady was talking about her pregnancy and everything milestone she wrote about, I followed along right on the edge of my seat. It was from 3 years ago, but her story was very similar to mine and Kelsea's. The week they found out (the week they went in for the ultrasound to find out if they were having a boy or a girl), their ensuing trips to a specialists, the level II ultrasounds, and the echos. Everything was right on. Even down to this lady's wonderful attitude regarding God's plan for her baby boy. As the weeks progressed, I felt like I was getting closer to this family and pulling and praying for them, even though this was three years ago. However, towards the end of her pregnancy, a weekly check-up revealed that his heart had stopped beating.
I was completely devastated. It was like a horrible ending to a really, REALLY good movie. It was the ending that nobody ever expected. All through it all, this lady kept a positive attitude and gave all credit to God, even in the end, after her baby boy's heart stopped beating. For the past two days, I have once again, tried to take on the world all by myself. Instead of putting my faith in God's hands, I tired to worry the hours away. The past 48 hours were miserable. I tried to do it myself, but as always, it doesn't work. All I could think about for the past two days was that Hayden's heart was still beating strong and we would push on through another week.
As I sat in my truck tonight, waiting for Kelsea at QMG, I opened up to God and asked Him to forgive me for not leaning on Him. I asked Him to forgive me for not putting my worries on Him. Of course, our God is a good God and he forgave me. He also once again showed me His plan and I felt like a fool for not putting full trust in the Lord. As we left the doctor tonight, I was still full of adrenaline after hearing Hayden's heart, this song was on the radio.
I am not a musically inclined person, but music has always connected with me. It is more than just the sound. When you really listen to the lyrics, it is amazing what message people are able to convey.
I love Your presence..........
Nothing can change Your mind."