Thursday, September 20, 2012

Only a Mountain

I love Facebook. I can't get enough of it. I love sharing photos, check-in's, trading barbs with my sister, posting about the things I love, and the things I dont love! People might call me crazy, but after we had our miscarriage back in January, I wanted to keep things a secret. When we found out we were pregnant again, I wanted to wait as long as we could because I didn't want to go through the heartache of telling people bad news again. I hate knowing that something I did or said hurt somebody, emotionally or physically.

When Kelsea wanted to tell all of our friends the sad news with our first pregnancy, and the good news with our second, I was hesitant to tell the whole world. However, I gave in and let her "win" (as she always says, "My mom always said you have to let the boys win sometimes or they won't want to stay around!"). She had a valid point. If we were to experience something unfortunate, these people, our family and friends, are the ones who would be there to support us and get us through the difficult times. Even on Tuesday night after we had the ultrasound, I was hesitant to let her post the picture of our beautiful baby boy! I am still holding out on the name! We have a name, and it fits him perfectly. It is such an awesome feeling to be able to call him by name. Sorry, you will have to wait for that one! However, if you check Kelsea's Facebook Page, there is a good chance she will let it slip one day!

So for me to say I love facebook, yet I am still a private person, some people might laugh at me! This week has pained me for obvious reasons. However, I feel like some of the worst times have been telling others that there are some complications with the pregnancy. I hate seeing the person's face turn from pure excitement to utter shock and pain. I hate putting people in the position of fumbling for words to say because they don't know what to say. We have all been there. Not sure how to respond. It is like being at a funeral (which unfortunately we have to be at tomorrow.....that's a whole different story!) and the whole time while standing in line leading up to the family, you are rehearsing exactly what you are going to say. You don't know what to say. That is ok. Sometimes not saying anything is exactly what is needed. The past few days, some people I have told the whole story, some people I have just told the exciting part. Why, I'm not sure. I don't know if it is for me and to help keep my emotions in while walking the hallways at school, or if it is for the other person. Either way, I know what they are thinking and I greatly appreciate it.

I have to be honest, I was kind of in a funk today. I think it is more of exhaustion. We have to hop in a car and drive to Minnesota for a funeral, turn around and drive back tomorrow afternoon. We have to finish getting the basement ready (so excited to move the treadmill once more....) for carpet on Saturday morning, and then I leave at 6:00 a.m. Saturday morning for a tournament in Lincoln, IL. Let me tell you how excited I am to be on that school bus again!! I hate to leave Kelsea for the day, but it will be good because I love what I do. I can't imagine my life without soccer, however, I have a feeling that time is coming, sooner than I want, but it is not about what I want! There is obviously a bigger plan by someone more important than me. A couple of years ago, I would've missed that plan. Not today though!

On the way home from school tonight, I beleive I saw a glimpse of part of that plan. Jason Castro's "Only a Mountain" came on the radio.

This is only a mountain
You don't have to find your way around it
Tell it to move, it'll move
Tell it to fall, it'll fall
This is only a moment
You don't have to let your fear control it
Tell it to move, it'll move
Tell it to fall, it'll fall

As this was playing, a truck drove by with "33 Pslm" on its license plate. I got home and read it.

Psalm 33: 20-22

20 We wait in hope for the Lord;
he is our help and our shield.
21 In him our hearts rejoice,
for we trust in his holy name.
22 May your unfailing love be with us, Lord,
even as we put our hope in you.

There can't be much more said than what these lycrics and this verse state. This is only a "mountain." Only is a huge word. It may seem like something that can't be done, but we continue to put our faith, our hope, and our trust in the lord and his unfailing love will help us move it instead of trying to find our way around it.

1 comment:

  1. I'm not as fancy as my husband ... I'm not sure if I'll be able to get this video to pop up or not. I'll include the link on here just in case.