Exactly four weeks from this very moment, I fully expect to be writing a new post officialy welcoming Hayden Owen Hoskins into this wonderful world we live in. As I sit here tonight, reflecting on the past few days, weeks, months, and years, I can't help but smile as this Christmas Eve comes to a close.
We had another appointment in St. Louis on Wednesday, and all went well again. We truly feel blessed and as every appointment passes, our hope grows that Hayden will join us as healthy as can be, despite having a giant omphalocele. As of last Wednesday, he was an estimated 3 lbs 8 oz. Even though this still has him below the 5th percentile, he is growing! As we said before: He is below the "curve", but he is making his own curve! He is also passing his NST's with flying colors. 10 out of 10 points each time. He is still in a breech position, but the doctor said that doesn't really matter because he will be delivered via c-section anyways!
Mom and Dad met us in St. Louis Wednesday morning before our appointment and we were able to see the duplex that Kelsea and my mom will stay in for 2 weeks before the surgery. After he is born, I don't know what our plans are. Mom and Dad are planning on staying down there I believe, and it is two bedrooms, but we also have, if needed, the Ronald McDonald house (if there are openings) and another place similar to Ronald McDonald. Right now, I just can't imagine leaving him alone for the night. We toured the NICU again Wednesday becasue everything was kind of a blur the first time, and there were so many babies in there and very few people. It made my heart sink thinking about those babies and nobody being there with them. However, I know people have to work and not everybody has the resources we have.
This is evident in the "elves" that helped Kelsea and I put some "wants" into Hayden's room. The only thing we are missing now is Hayden himself!
Sitting in church tonight, seeing it jam packed at the 6 o'clock service, I couldn't help but look around think just how wonderful God is. There were many faces there I have never seen before. However, knowing that all of these people were here tonight, whether they are there every Sunday or not, were there to celebrate the birth of God's son, who was sent to Earth so we could be forgiven, was an almost overwhelming feeling. Listening to Matt Cowman read from the Bible, who only a few years ago was a "student" of mine, watching Jenn and the rest of the praise team sing with all of their heart and soul, and listening to Bob talk to us about Resetting, it's hard to not appreciate what all He has done for us.
The past few weeks, Bob has talked about Resetting and refocusing on what is important, such as your home, your attitude, and your perspective. It's easy to get lost in everything, especially when you are thinking about things of the world, or materialistic things such as the bedding set Kelsea and I wanted for Hayden's room. Today, of all days, I lost sight of what is important. We are continuing to visit our budget and look at ways to cut our spending and I got sidetracked (as I usually and easily do!) by the otustanding bills we have from the past three months. As many of you know, it takes a while for medical bills to show up on your doorstep, but once they start, boy do they start! I started to worry again about how this is all going to work out. Kelsea reminded me a day or so ago that Matthew 6:31-33 says the following:
So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
I know I have to trust in the Lord and His plan and I should not question or test it. However, I also know that the bills won't disappear if I just file them in the folder labeled "God" in our filing cabinet! It is about resetting our home and our perspective to follow God's will and the path He has laid out for us. It is not about the traditions of Santa Claus and the Elf on the Shelf (sorry to my friends who use this....I mean no disrespect with my comment...I actually love seeing the pictures of the creative places that people hide him or her....but they still kind of creep me out....think clown under the bed in Poltergeist...don't know why, they just do!). It is about having peace on Earth and bringing goodwill toward mankind. It is about taking my selfish wants and needs out of the equation and putting everybody else first.
For a better understanding, below is the Columbus Road Baptist Church way of explaining things!
On this Christmas eve, I wish everyone a Merry Christmas, and no matter where you are, who you are with, or what difficult situation you might be facing, that you may find peace on earth and with yourself through the Holy Spirit and continue to put God at the center of your life. And as you lay in bed tonight, drifting off to sleep, dreaming of all of those presents you didn't get as a child (as I still do sometimes) I ask that you say a prayer for myself and Kelsea, that God will give us strength, the two weeks we are apart, and that He will allow us to hear Hayden scream at 9:30, Monday, January 21.
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